Broke But Whole

Just after 7am this morning, I ended my relationship with my girlfriend.

It was surprisingly easy. I couldn't stand it any longer. I won't let her go on thinking she could just have her way all the time and that I would take it lying down. I got a stupid hypocritical SMS from her earlier when I was sleeping that finally did it for me:

"Thinkin of you. Wanna hear ur voice actually. I appreciate when you spend ur free time wit me babe. I hope you x mind that i always go out with frens. I cant be sittin at home all day n expect to meet men kan babe he he well life is such. have a nice day babe..."

C'mon, I thought, if you want to keep meeting other men, I'd be a fucking idiot to continue this bloody charade.

So I called her and ended it. Summarily. To the point.

It also was easy because we haven't been together long enough for me to build any real attachment on the relationship. But in the beginning, I thought that she could have been someone that I could love and build a future with. I should have known better than to jump at that stupid conclusion so soon.

She even mentioned to me that she wants to marry now. On our first date.

It's something which I have tried to understand. I know it's the woman's biological clock. She turning 26 this December. I'm trying not to say that that's so early to marry. If that's what she really wants, I have no right to say otherwise. It's just that I don't want to marry now. And she does. So it's better if we ended it now instead of dragging it on.

It's not only that I don't want to marry now. I want to be SURE about the one I'm going to marry. And I have to say, I'm certainly not sure about this Girl.

When I asked her why she'd mentioned on our first date to me that she wants to marry NOW, she said to me, "Because I thought you're a player." I think she still does.

I don't get it. Before I met her, I was single for more than a year. I had one sexual relationship which lasted 4 dates. And nothing else.

When I met this Girl, she was someone I could connect with. We can talk about many topics and I believe we spoke on the same wavelength.

It was barely a month ago.

And then the cracks started to show.

She'd miss-call me and expect me to call her back. All the time.

When I asked why, she looked at me and told me not to be so 'calculative'. She said, her pre-paid call rate was more expensive than my post-paid one and it made more sense for me to call her instead.

Please.

She has not worked for more than a year. Yet, she can really spend money. Buying clothes, eating expensive food. I'm not sure but I suspect her dad's supporting her still.

I did have a glimmer of hope that she find something to fill her time with a eatery business that she mentioned she starting with her dad. Let's hope that falls through.

Thing is, I do care for her. But looking at the situation before this break-up, I don't think I could grow to love her. Not now.

To top things off, once she said to me, "I get impatient and restless if things don't go my way."

Hope I'm not being judgmental but that sounded quite self-centred and self-indulgent to me.

You know what?

I'm relieved I got out of it now.